A Heart To Be Broken

​You frighten me

Your confidence, your wit

Your perfection

Oh how you frighten me

Yet I’m drawn by some invisible thread it seems

To your substance, your beauty within

I daydream again!

Still I’m frightened,

How it stings when I receive vague replies 

How it feels when a text isn’t replied

The struggle I go through before always texting first

To continue or to move on?

Self preservation beckons

But I’m stuck

I hope you reciprocate but I know you don’t 

I dream you feel the same way but..

Oh how I’m stuck 

I saw it coming but I was weak, suicidal maybe

I rushed over the steps, I ignore the signs  

Now its late

Let nature take its course

My future broken heart, I wait

But now the flames of hope still burn bright

Maybe time will help, maybe not

Maybe your viewpoint may change

Now though, your beauty my heart arrests, your mind my body excites

I hate my state but I love it

I know I should give up but I won’t 

And I will take nothing back if given a chance

Nothing back.

1, 2, 3, Step

​Break the news softly, ever so

Quietly, their mundane minds pampered

Lest it leads to an abject denial, escape for

Their sanity, ever so

Fleeting, they get lost in the pretence

Of everything being static, predictable

In denial

 

Guard their hearts constantly, ever so

Valiantly, changing your moves

Choosing your words, meticulously

Moves you make, ever so

Selfish to save yourself from acts of love

Incomplete, inconsiderate love

You are never the priority

 

Take your step surely, ever so

Stoic, you force reality to bend

A move toward happiness

The most rewarding, ever so

Abhorred and discouraged, of origin

Your professed lovers, the irony

You will not be shaken.

Bang! Bang!

I hear my blood flow 
I feel my heartbeat
Shockwaves pulsing on thin skin
Vulnerable to the cold, I mourn my fat
Plummeting into the hole, I lost my hat

The contact, expected yet so sudden
The rocks, rough yet so sharp
I see bright lights in the dark
The ringing won’t stop, the pain my senses manhandle
The bleeding won’t stop, blood! why leave me so fast, I’m puzzled

I lose the first sense, sight
Didn’t expect to miss the bright lights
Hoping touch is next I groan in pain
Regret for the past was now in vain
The images won’t stop, the apologies will never be heard
Hoping my head stays silent for once, I lay on my death bed.

The Middle

Their faces glow
Their smiles, tired but self satisfied
Their eyes, roving with that subservient look
Their shoulders, relaxed and sloping, my opposite
Their quips, border line witty but well received
Their demeanor, practised and quite besetting
Their minds, focused yet forgetful
Their dreams, small and attainable
Their obstacles, overinflated I’ll say
Their worry, general and constant 
They seem content by all appearances
And found
But that’s how I know
I am not one of them, I am not found
I’m in the middle.

Novelist In My Mind

Novelist in my mind, onwards!

Grandiose in fiction, sappy in romance

The grand imaginer 

Frames of the future you provide

Impossible to the normal mind

Continually, you maim me

With viewpoints unusual at best, inhumane at worst

Distorting reality for us both

Birthing our awkward physical, our unconventional social

Our attempts at kindness, our growing empathy

Untamedly imperfect you may be, but never a bore

Hiddenly cowardly, but never stuck

Oil your engines, treasure mine

Together we’ll tread many miles.

Of Time

I fear time
How it flies, unstoppable, uncaring
Days gone, hopes lost
Where did the last minute just go?
Feet small, now big, few shoes fitting
Legs short, now long and hairy
How sad, its forever gone

I mourn time
How moments die, their ultimate fate
Inaccurate memories remain for a while
Soon, they join the ranks of those not remembered
Lost, never to be found
Our bid to hold on longer, a futile human attempt 
Don’t let me try to remember to see I’ve forgotten

Cameroon 2016

Madmen terrify the North
The hot, illiterate North
Once patient, aloof and ignored
Now noticed, panic stricken and in war
Who will save us?

Underrated the South continues 
Underdeveloped they wait
Many a powerful man it birthed
Children rich, mother poor
Who will save us?

Hearts in the Centre stir, how slow a stirring 
Tension in the air, palpable
The octogenarian rules, patriotic yet superannuated
The most blamed in the land
His end beckons, the greedy prepare
What will happen when his seat is vacant?
Who will save us?

Thrive Littoral, thrive!
Boost our status, make us worthy of note!
You and the West are our hope
Your numbers and unity, a beacon
Bringing all together, inspiring all to Work
Will you save us?

Greed, its abode, the Western South 
With treasures under looked, and minds underused 
Stagnancy permeates, a vicious cycle
Slumbering elephants
Who will save us?

And should the Western North be mentioned?
Pride, its pride and its murderer
The stench of death pushes its bright minds away
Does it want to be saved?

Beloved nation on a mountain
Has nature ever blessed any other so bountifully?
Yet we divide, segregate, suppress
252 boundaries we precipitate to uphold, our downfall
The Game of Blame our addiction, our poison
Unity and patriotism our salvation, a clear solution
Will we save ourselves?
Will we try?

Call me Semi

Bury me deep
In the sands on your ocean banks
So blue it’s waters
So frightful it’s vastness
The sadness in a soul

Colour me grey
The grey of the winter sky
So wholesome it’s loneliness 
So icy it’s tears
The height of solitude

Call me Semi
A table with two legs
A single shoe of a pair
Useless to all
The state of my heart

Discover me searching 
Frantically, incessantly 
For a future I have named mine
Goals set in a haze of hope
The link between now and then

So bury me deep
Colour me grey
Call me Semi
Discover me searching 
Watch me find.